Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
