Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
