My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
