Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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