I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
