this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
