i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my poor anus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize