last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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