I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
