I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just invented taco cereal.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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