just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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