I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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