Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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