You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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