whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
