I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
