Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
