Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
