Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
