What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize