people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
