I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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