I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize