i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
