I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
