Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
