I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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