so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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