I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
