Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
