Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
