This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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