My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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