Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
