Already got asked if we're dating
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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