I wanna passion pit in your ass
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
