You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
