Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize