Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
