remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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