somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i came on her dog
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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