Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.

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(561): View more from Florida

So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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(914): View more from New York

Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

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(828): View more from North Carolina

That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail

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(303): View more from Colorado

Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.

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