Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize