oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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