Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
