the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
zippers are such a cool invention
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
