Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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