Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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