he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The uberlube is also flammable
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
