you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
