I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
