I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
