I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
