can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
