you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
