i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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