Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
