ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just pee around me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
