P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
