so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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