I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
