well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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