HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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