a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
