three words: i give head
three words: not that well
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
