I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
