i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
