I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
