Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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