if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
